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The chilly air of night blew past them, following by the sound of cicadas humming around them. At times, they could hear the howling of owls on the branches. Besides the sound of nature, none of them spoke.
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Tsubaki was still staring at the diary, a flicker of uncertainty glinted in her eyes. Ren silently looked at her. A complex emotion crossed his face.
“Continue, sweetheart,” he quietly encouraging her. His wide palm rubbed at her back, his head leaned down as he took a closer look at the diary. “There might be another clue.”
Tsubaki reluctantly nodded. After taking a deep breath, she continued reading the diary. In the next few hours, she finally found the pieces where she could relate to her origin. All of them scattered from the first to the last diaries.
Satsuki has learned to crawl. Even though he is slightly late than his sister, I’m grateful because he still could live despite his health isn’t in good shape. Tsubaki would always be by his side, taking care of him. It is as if she understood that her little brother needs extra care from all of us.
If she knows that I have another child, would she feel restless? I’m scared she would think I’d mistreat Tsubaki once I have a child of my own. She doesn’t have to be afraid because Tsubaki is my daughter as well as hers. No mother would mistreat her children.]
Haruo is gone. He hasn’t yet to hear Satsuki call him Daddy yet G.o.d loves him more than us. I feel like my world has ended the moment he left but, when I saw how Tsubaki stayed strong for Satsuki’s sake and mine, I didn’t have the heart to wallow in self-pity.
She is still a little child, how could she be so considerate?
Last night, I found her crying in bed while hugging Haruo’s photo. It seemed like she has purposely put up a tough mask in front of me. My heart ached so much.
I need to be strong for them, my precious treasures.]
Right now, Tsubaki loves taking Satsuki for a walk especially when I need her to go to the convenient shop. As I watch both of them growing up, I feel a sense of happiness and blessings because after Haruo left, I never thought to be happy again. I’ll always remember him and our promise to raise them up happily.
It has been a few months yet no postcard came. I wonder where she is right now. Has she already found her happiness?
Our chance meeting at the hospital was fated. Seeing the fear in her eyes made me volunteered to take care of Tsubaki. I have never regretted the decision. If Tsubaki has to live with her, what would happen? Would the danger she mentioned before come to them?]
When I thought there would be no new postcard anymore, it finally came. There was no postmark this time. Did she come to deliver it herself? Touko did say she saw a woman in a black coat was looking at this house when I was away at work today.
I wonder if that woman was her.]
The postcard came again but once I read it, I have a feeling there would be no more.
She wrote as if she wanted to go far. This is the first time she wrote such details about her life. She loves her man and her daughter yet there’s no way for her to be near them.]
At this point, hot tears had started br.i.m.m.i.n.g around Tsubaki’s eyes. Her grip on the diary tightened as her heart ached in pain. She felt like she could hear her Mom’s gentle voice narrating the diary.
It has been a few years since Haruo was gone and the last time I received the postcard from her. I’m afraid my time would come soon.
Should I bury this secret to my grave? But, Touko said if anything happens in the future and Tsubaki gets to know the truth, she would be incredibly sad to be deceived by me.
Tsubaki, Mom loves you with all my heart.
If you found my diary, I hope you’d know I am so happy and blessed with your presence. You might not have my blood but, you are Mom’s daughter.
As for your real mother, please know that she has no choice. She was so tearful when she had to part with you years ago. Her circ.u.mstances wouldn’t let her keep you in her life. If I were her, I’d rather keep my child safe in another person’s arms than risk your safety.
Mom is sorry, Tsubaki. Mom hopes you’d never have a chance to read all the things I’ve written down yet, if you need, at the very least Mom hopes this diary could be a consolation to you.]
I never feel so serene in my life. Despite the dread of having to left my precious treasures behind, I’m looking forward to meeting Haruo again.]
Mom loves you, Tsubaki and Satsuki.]
The final diary ended with the clumsy handwriting of her Mom during the final moments of her life.
Tsubaki gritted her teeth, hot tears continued flowing down her cheeks, creating droplets on the surface of the diary. Her body trembled as she tried hard to contain her emotions.
Ren took the diary from her lap and placed it on the floor. He carefully brought her face to his chest as he cradled her softly. His hand ran up and down her back as the tears kept trickling down her face. His chest had long been damp with her tears.
The sound of her crying carried her sorrow and frustration. It pained his heart when he saw her so devoid of hope in front of him. His brows knitted tightly as he swallowed down the bitterness in his heart.
“Mom…” Tsubaki choked back a sob. Her hands held his shirt in a tight grasp, yet her voice was so quiet. “Mom… said she loved me… she loved me… I’m not unwanted…”
“Yes, sweetheart,” Ren nodded. He kissed her crown repeatedly. “She loved you with all her heart.”
As if she was relieved with the affirmation from him, her tears started to slow down before she slumped in his embrace. Her eyes closed, her brows furrowed.
Ren gently carried her up and brought his wife to bed. She had exhausted herself with all the emotional turmoil warring inside her heart. After he tucked her in, Ren returned to the porch and collected the diaries and postcards.
They hadn’t read all the postcards except for the first one. Tsubaki decided to finish reading the diary first before focusing on them. Ren’s gaze darkened in the summer night as he looked at the stack of postcards in his hands.
He was reminded of what Tsubaki’s Mom had written.
Her biological father has died? Was it true?
If Nakamura Sumire didn’t lie that the man had died, it seemed like his guess was completely off from the start.
Then, how did the man was related to her?
Ren shook his head as a feeling of helplessness crept up inside his heart. Their decision to come back here did bear fruits but another mystery was added. He needed to start from square one.
As he laid beside her, Ren pulled her in his arms. He could still feel the fear and insecurity she kept within the instant she hugged him back even though she was already sleeping. Her face was twisted even in her sleep.
Ren rubbed her head, hoping to chase the nightmare away.
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